sjhstrangetales

TELL ME YOUR FAVOURITE PUDDING … AND I’LL TELL YOU THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE

Posted on: June 8, 2014

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A bit of a departure from my usual thing. I guess I got the idea from watching too many episodes of ‘Come Dine With Me’ over the years, where in the end I was trying to second-guess a person’s character by the type of dessert they chose. I was then dared to put it in a blog. Anyway, just a bit of fun, and not meant to be taken remotely seriously AT ALL as a genuine psychological test, character assassination … or anything else for that matter.

CHOCOLATE MOUSSE / OR ANY TYPE OF RICH GOOEY CAKE

You are sexy, sensual, sophisticated, imaginative and fun-loving. You appreciate the good things in life, and know how to enjoy yourself. Probably the sort of person to have long, involved sexual fantasies with a lot of detail to them. Masterchef’s Greg Wallace is probably a right sexy little bastard when you get him alone.

CHEESECAKE / PAVLOVA / TRIFLE

Also sexy, fun-loving and imaginative, but perhaps a tad lazy. After all, cheesecakes and trifles aren’t difficult to make (I make enough of them myself), BUT, having said that, you do have patience. I mean, cheesecakes can take an age to set … although with trifles you can plenty of rest times in between layers. But all that sublime cheesy (or custardy) creaminess, and mounds of fruit piled on top … you know how to be sexy. And no, trifle is NOT exclusively a man’s dessert, as one daft mare on CDWM insisted.

RHUBARB CRUMBLE / TREACLE TART / BREAD AND BUTTER PUDDING / SPOTTED DICK

Ah the retro school-dinner’s puds. You want comfort food. If you make these, you want to nurture people, fatten them up, take care of them, in a sort of Jewish mother kind of way. You’re probably not at ease with modern life, and you most likely see the Internet as an invention of the Devil. If you’re a man you’re probably over 50, and your first name is Nigel.

ICE-CREAM

Definitely fun-loving, and very spontaneous. After all, ice-cream tends to be something you buy/order on the spur of the moment, and it has to be eaten very quickly, so you’re not the kind of person who postpones their pleasures or takes their time over them. You’re in touch with your inner child. You also have a lot of imagination, because let’s face it you can make ice-cream out of just about anything these days.

FRUIT SORBET

More health-conscious version of the above.  Wants to be fun-loving, but probably feels it essentially should be good for you at the same time.

STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM / or STRAWBERRIES AND VODKA

You saucy little minx. You like to break out and do something naughty and spontaneous once in a while don’t you (probably once a year, when Wimbledon’s on), but you don’t want to expend a lot of time and effort over it.

CHEESE AND BISCUITS

Someone in touch with the finer things of life. They like comfort and luxury, but they tend to be quite serious, and not at ease with frivolity. They apply themselves rigorously to trying out cheeses from different regions, and take it all very seriously. Imagining a sort of Brian Sewall, art-historian type. In their own way, they have fun.

CREME BRULEE / VANILLA PANNA COTTA

Boring, dull, unimaginative cove.  Probably self-deluding too, in that they think these make exciting desserts.  They don’t.  Is either middle-class, or has aspirations to be so.

ETON MESS

A lazy bastard who wants to impress. Not a pud you have to apply much thought to, but hey it tastes deliciously, so I suppose this sort of person thinks “why make all the effort? It’s going to come out the same anyway”.

CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN

A great big kid at heart who just wants to have fun. Doesn’t see any point in thinking too much about anything.

PEARS IN RED WINE

Pretentious social-climber.

FRUIT SALAD

Oh give me a break will you! These people wouldn’t know a good time if it hit them over the head with a shovel. This is the dessert of the tight-mouthed ultra PC brigade. They probably work for some government think-tank on the quiet, trying to come up with more ways to invent more rules and regulations to live by. My heart sinks when I think about this sort.

“I DON’T DO DESSERTS”

Words fail. The bottom of the food-chain. They are beyond hope, beyond redemption. They probably sit and sulk like a big kid if anyone’s enjoying themselves.

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